>> dana: is it any surprise your bock is twice as long as gregs? >> eric: >> bob: twice as much to say. >> eric: going on a bus tour? >> eric: that is it for "the five." thanks for watching. welcome to "red eye." i'm greg gutfeld or as i am known in pennsylvania, the pittsburgh pooper. andy, what is coming up on tonight's big show? >> what is behind the united states birthrate plunging to the lowest level since it leaked in the 1920s and what does it mean? the shocking answers that will make you go out and make some babies. and are they creating scum villages? some say ya and others 8 --

others say nay. and what poll says is the best sitcom of all time, the best. >> guess what, andy. i am getting back on the bus. >> you are getting back on the bus, greg? >> i am getting back on the bus. >> when? >> december 15th to the 17th, but i don't know where. you will have to go to my facebook page and tell me where you would like me to go. and don't say andy's colon. >> i am not saying that. >> by the way, i think we have people asking what it was like on the bus. i believe we have tape of how i exercised. >> excellent. >> the great thing about that is i stayed in shape and then i ate the cat. >> i was going to say thanks for returning the cat safe and sound. >> well, i guess that's not

the case. >> the only difference is now she has a craving for raw flesh now that she didn't before the trip. >> that makes her a better kitten. we have to go. enough of this banter. welcome, she's so hot she leaves burn marks on her bed sheets. i am here with columnist and author jed jedediah bila. and he is funnier than clown toes covered in blood. and in scotland he is considered a barf bag, bill schulz. and if he was like an alligator attack i would beat him off in the everglades. sitting next to me daily beast cultural news editor moynihan and our new york times correspondent, pinch. >> today the opinion natter looks back to the secondhand speech to congress. the paper was nine years old. i belie my first press

conference question was meet -- mr. president, where is the outdoor boom boom room because i made a doo-doo in my p paftelones. >> you people wanted him back. you said you wanted him back. i didn't. you told me in these bookstores you wanted him back and now that he is back. this is what i get. >> not a lot has changed. obama still in office? >> it is indoctrine nation through animation. lefty brainwashing couldn't be more cartoony. the california federation of teachers has unleashed a video for higher taxes on the rich. the video fairy tale aimed at kids and is narrated by the red head on "the view" and portrays the 1% as selfish and morally bent. roll take, roll tapers.

>> rich people decided they were not rich enough, so they decided on a way to get richer. first was tax cuts. they didn't mind if this was fewer services for everyone. they said why do i care about other nonrich people? i can hear waste disposal people to work for me for less money than taxes cost and then i can keep the rest of the taxes for me. >> that tickled my outrage bone. let's see what happens when we cut taxes for the rich. >> schools, public safety, the eds, parks, libraries, public transportation all went into decline. the rich people didn't care. they said everyone gets what they deserve. ordinary people wondered why rich people needed so much money. the 1% said, don't worry. this is good for you too. it will trickle down from us to you. >> all right. you know who remains blissfully unaware of this debate over taxes?

>> wow, that is ed asner. >> ed asner looks terrible. >> he lost all of his hair. but he is adorable when he sleeps. jedediah, are you okay? >> recovering slowly. >> you were nodding your head in agreement as we played the cartoon. that surprised me. i thought you were a conservative. >> no, i was nodding my head because i knew teachers who would be nodding their heads in agreement. there are plenty of teachers who would say, yes, this is true. we hate the rich. we have toville fie the rich -- to villa fie the rich. i don't know who was pea hind it and gave them their ideas, but the guy who wrote it makes $140,000 a year. last i checked that is not poor. >> no, it is not.

it is not indeed. good point. andy, i don't think the rich came off too well in this cartoon. what do you make of it? >> i didn't get to see the cartoon. when i saw the topic, the headline, i googled rich people urinating, and then i got lost in this world for like two or three hours. i didn't even see what we are talking about. >> you saw a bunch of r kelly videos. not that i would know what are in those videos, or do i? perhaps i was there that night, who knows? is class warfare a good message for kids or the best message? >> the best message for that was great with the pig. i also got caught on the german website vortex. >> call it the german urine loop. >> it sounds better in german. there are a number of problems with this video. number one is it is narrated

by ed asner and he is a 9/11 truther which i think is one of the most loathe so many things you can be. it doesn't lend varied built. i liked the peaking part. that was funny. >> bill, would you care if your three daughters are being taught this in school? >> they are not the -- in school . i was told they are home schooled, but then i found out they don't have moms. and that was not ed asner, that was the voice of the guy in "up." second of all, this is a clip that on first observation would look as if they are comparing trickle down economics to a rich guy peaking on poor people. what i think was happening is he was on the scale and happened to be peaking on poor people.

i have happened on all manner of people. i happened to p on rich people and i happened to pea on hot brunettes. it happens it is accidental. i will give rich people credit. they are far less quick to sue me than the poor. >> the thing is they show a horrible city. it is not caused by rich people. they keep spending and spending and the town declared bank -- bankruptcy. >> the city looked like detroit and there are no rich people. they left and live in gross point. i haven't seen it until you showed that clip there. it is like 1930s soviet cartoon where they have the guy with the cigar. and fat cats with pocket watches. i live around rich people. they don't look like that. >> the only way you will see

pocket watches and three piece suits is if hipsters take it over. >> or if you are on the side of downton abbie. >> and i have been. i have a any role there. i play reginald. he is the sensitive, but shy butler with love for ms. pence. and then he kills her and eats her. >> no spoilers. >> what am i talking about? from teaching kids to not having them. our rate of birth and our rein on earth, a new report from the research center says america's baby production is now at a record low. in 2011 it was 63.2 per thousand. per women of child bearing age. continuing the downward trend with the economic recession. what does this mean? obama is killing america, and new york times columnist railroading giews one reason

for americans enduring strength is we have more babies than other countries and it is thought a sure thing that the declining birth wait riel turn around even if the economy ever improves. pointing to surveys that don't think america are as important to a success of marriage as they used to. now a fox news alert. >> that was the fox news alerts. jedediah, is it any wonder americans don't want to have babies? >> kids have gotten a little more annoying over the years. if you get trapped in an elevator with a small child that turns my ovaries and uterus right off.

>> she just proved ross' point. our generation is selfish. we don't want to have babies. we don't want to take care of them. we are killing our own civilization because way are selfish. >> i feel it is my duty to help pro create. i am willing. i am looking to, america, help pro create. if you think i am a creep, you are unpatriotic. >> thank you gary condit have peeks with andy it is a terrorist of one. do you have kids? >> no? >> there is only one person on this table with children aside from bill's missing kids. >> have i won. >> so you are kind of doing your part. joy because of what happened with the first one i am not going to have a second one. it has been a disaster. she is like two and she smokes she is very racist.

i don't know we are selfish, but i am having fun. there is a woman i give money to there is a prostitute and then the other is this. and then the nanny and i go out and drink, so you can have it all. you can go out and booze and do the things bill does. >> what you are saying is you can have children and leave a lifelike bill. >> absolutely right. ask bill he has four kids. >> four or five. >> so in a way you are an actual hero bill. >> yes, i am the hero. i love the logical progression of this column. listen guys, we don't have that many people anymore, start reproducing, but not in broken homes.

by the ways, gays can't reproduce. think about itment even though he was on record he says he doesn't like to debate it because it makes him feel bad. quite the backbone on that one. in conclusion i would say no doubt and i can't do the math, but are you a d bag. >> i enjoy his writing. i think he is a smart guy. i think he is right -- educated, smart gorgeous people like me don't have kids because -- it is not because i am selfish, but i am terrified. i no i the moment i bring the kid to the house i am gone. i will leave it on the couch and then won't know won't know turn it on off and then on. >> and now there is a bus with your picture on. it -- leave the kid with somebody else. broken homes are the best places for kids.

when people leave them for a long period of time -- >> they get creative. >> the president of the united states came from a broken home. no, he came from kenya. >> a broken country. >> i am glad we solved some problems here. jeer doosmed though. >> totally. there are countries whose populations are growing and we are not. if we don't do this, we are over. >> pediatricians and obstetricians #r* -- >> i am waiting for every state to look like i am legend. hopefully i can see it. >> from babies to bias, was it a sign of sexism or just road work. the construction crew on the grounds of ohio sinclair continue college, yes that sinclair community college was

forced to what an add straighter deeped on monday. the move stems from the school's deep commitment to adversity, but in an earlier statement they acknowledge that while it may not have been necessary that the work be stopped they will provide an environment that is exclusive and nondiscriminatory. i am stupid. >> that must have hurt. you never get it to -- >> never win. >> you never win. it is all a scam. >> on a scale of 1-pig. how much does this sign offend you? >> it didn't at all. i was thinking they should have put up a stripper pole and offensive sign. i can't stand this stuff. most feminists on campus are just a bunch of man haters. it turns you my stomach.

let them put a sign. are you putting a pr and -- a man and then women and went into her work. they are complaining about the sign. why not the number of women on the crew. is this not mentioned? there are like 150 men on the crew. why don't they say we will hire people -- >> i think it is a very good university. the fact is they don't need anybody there anyway. >> they are all staring at a hole. >> the story of my life. >> cont be men working. it should be man working and the rest of the men are watching the man working. >> it wasn't sexist, it was inaccurate. >> bill, why hasn't anyone lack anything in your sign.

>> there is no group. it is just me. >> can we only be men working. >> i was going to have you time for the app. either we national review when they did the sorry and they quoted the unnamed turn. what do they know? >> tokes man. spokesman. >> what issue is it? by the way they had to desand down and fix everything. >> wasted time. >> the workers have to top working to tend to that nonsense. >> couldn't they just change the sign with a sharpee? >> you need the sign up. >> because people wouldn't notice if there is a bunch of dudes on the street. >> we thought maybe the milli vaw nilly's --

>> i always had a dream they would break down in front of my house aan come to my fort made out of pillows. >> i think they would have liked that. >> are you mocking me. >> coming up, should liberals be turned into chum for sharks some jedediah bila discusses her new book? and should society's biggest jerk be forced to live together? sure that's why we made germ germ. vermont.

welcome back. should the boris be banished? amsterdam, wherever that is, is planning to exile the aggressively obnoxious housing them in punishment camps dubbed scum villages under

constant police supervision. the mayor's plan at a cost of a million u.s. dollars seems like a tiny amount aimes to address the thousands of complaints. he argues that long-term harassment leaves upstanding citizens to be driven out and not their nuisance neighbors that makes sense. this is the world turned upside down he says. a team of harassment directors has also been appointed to gather reports of these do error rum detractors. for more let's go to amsterdam. >> do you know what that was? it was something beautiful. they call it scum village. i am thinking that is not a big selling point.

shouldn't it be something like philadelphia? >> it kind of reminds me of a place -- it is like a trailer park for the people who don't get along with the people at the trailer park. >> it is like a pod that is sent out of a trailer park. and then they are in that one. even in that one there is something they have to come back into that one, but in order to do that they have to drop soot one. >> wow. >> i never should have seen looper over the weekend. jedediah, is it possible to remove them from society. >> i sat next to sherrod small, but i don't get what they are doing. what they are doing? they are not criminals. i need to know the level of what they are doing and how annoyed i would be. >> it is a good point.

there is punishing behavior that falls short. does that scare you or excite you? >> both. >> i love scum village. i want to build a time machine is and create an oye band and call it scum village. if they are not, they are forcibly removing them. >> never lied. >> oh you have done it again. they have to pours blee remove people who -- forcibly remove people who are being noisy. >> it makes sense. >> yes, but it is like totally unconstitutional. they don't even have people. they have [bleep]. if this is not america because america is awesome, we can like film it and it would be great.

and on bravo have her do this. >> you tell them it is a reality show and they will go voluntarily. that's how they created "jersey shore." there wasn't any "jersey shore." they won't even let you into the city, bill. >> there are plenty of scum villages in the united states. you just never heard of them because you have never been to scum village. you wouldn't understand scum village. i myself lived in the slop bucket district with rowanda, shaquifa and george. i thought it was great. they learned a lot. they shot a principal who had a heroin addiction. i was on the upper eastside at the time. they learned a lot. >> they did. i think they should call this irresponsible land. we are talking about people who are irresponsible. >> we can't arrest them. everything is legal over

there. if you are doing drugs what would be illegal sex acts over here, that's completely fine. >> it is exactly what i wanted in life. i want to live in a world where the road warrior takes place. you drive out and you can find this place surrounded by trucks and you have to open them up and all of this weird stuff is going on and they are dressed libeling midevil -- dressed like midevil. that's all i want is to be a part of that. i want to be a bad guy. i want to be a marauder. >> you have a bus. >> i have a bus. >> and can i have andy check something. i think bill just quoted naughty by nature. >> you did, didn't you? >> i might have. i didn't do it well. diswhrie -- this is actually happening in the united states. people are leaving cities because they don't want to live there anymore. if they can leave, they can leave. it is a sad statement about

society my people, my lovers. do you have a comment on the show? go to fox news.com. do you have a video of your animal doing something? go to fox news.com. still to come, bath -- half time r-79 from andy levy. >> the rap i had p moving on food with both feet momentarily off the ground. thanks, running. whrap .

letsy find out if we have anything wrong so far. >> we have to talk about this whole pinch thing. i think you made a mistake and i think you figured out what it is. >> what? >> you listened to the people. >> i did listen to the people. i spoke to 3,000 people. >> you understand that rule one is you never listen to the people. >> i actually did a hand count. i said how many people want pinch back? their hands went up. >> who is our president, greg? >> a kenyan by the name of president obama. >> and also chosen by the people . >> yay, oi bough ma and -- obama and pinch win. >> a lot of other people wish pinch was there and not me and then asked to sign my book and i asked them to leave.

>> that actually might have been a nightmare you had. >> people standing around my bed saying where is andy? >> california teacher's union video, in the interest of being fair and balance, it is several minutes and 50 seconds long and i only made it to the 48-second mark. you is that fair and balanced? >> that is fair and honest. >> you know the guy who wrote this stupid, stupid video made a song for himself. >> a little 1%er coming in on the action. i am tired of the rich people -- i am not rich. >> stupid rich people. >> seriously. >> it is better than having poor people tell you what you want to do. >> do something.

>> can't even tell myself what to do. >> what if ed asner told you you needed to add pinch? >> i would have mocked him and talked about the head and neck. that's assault. >> you know asner is a 9/11 truther. why doesn't that matter to the teachers union? >> they are teachers and they should care about that. it is history. >> is there some hilarious holocausters. >> i don't know. me is in a movie september mom i think it is called. >> did she do it? >> i don't know. it is with woody harrelson and martin sheen. >> what a think tank that is. >> remember when "the exorcist " came out they had barf bags, i am old, they should have barf bags on that movie.

the communications director says "the blaze watts was not intended fore children. >> so they floated it? >> who was it for? >> the cartoon was for adults. >> have i a vast collection of cartoons for adults and none of them look like that. >> i imagine not. >> greg you have an upcoming roll on downton avenue pick. >> i am like a curb ball with a place and i have a twitch, but it is an endearing twitch. i am trying to impress miss pence. >> you boosted the nobility. >> yes. >> explosive diarrhea. so ibt and bbt are taking

chances. >> the plan of the ibs crowd -- >> they like to play with the ibs crowd. >> yes, they do. greg you pointed out that moynihan was one kid or you said he is kind of doing his part. but not really you need two kids to get the replacent meant wake. >> by the way, this is a mixed bag for conservatives. the main reason the birthrate is declining because foreign born immigrants are having fewer babies. >> thz true. >> i just took an incredibly cheap shot to conservatives. >> you know what i was thinking about? the fact that it is inevitable you have less children over time because of monogamy. in the orld days you went around and slept with everything. it doesn't make sense.

>> i don't know i read it somewhere in pen up forum. >> yon of andy's commit books. >> i still can't believe that happened to you. >> college tells construction company to take down men working sign. jedediah, you can't stand this stuff. are you going to trim in wo next to men. >> no. men and women. it is so stupid. stop being so offended by everything. >> i agree. you can just make a sign that says people. >> if they already had one and they put it up, chillaxe ladies. they are not trying to offend you. >> sorry i used a bad word. >> you can't say chillaxe. >> it is fare nets you can't say from the latest we made from chilly. >> we are a painter -- >> actually basically just chilly.

don't give the secret ingredient. it is not a pill. it is beans. >> with jedediah's face on it. >> this is high powered and just chillax. >> brit brit knee spears would live on that. >> people buy the book too, don't they? >> it is smart and funny. i am buying this guy's book. >> according to wkes in dayton, ohio where the community college is located, there were in fact no women on the construction site. >> take that sinclair -- what is it? a junior college? a community college. by the way, sinclair community college consistently ranked among the top colleges in america according to this website.

>> it is an expansive website. >> we are going to get an angry letter. >> they don't know how to turn tv's on. >> andy, you said the sign is inaccurate. it should say men working. they are standing around watching and smoking. i think you want to apologize not just the construction apartment, but organized by her crime families. >> i was just kidding. nef mind. never mind. >> andy is so worried he dressed like a gangster today. see i am one of you. >> scumville in the news. i have seen a lot of things in my life. i never expected a european country to forcibly relocate a big group of people because

people didn't like him. >> are they really like that? >> no. >> greg, you said calling it scum villages is not a good selling point. they should call it philadelphia. i enjoyed it. >> you can call it your irresponsible town. i like that, but it is boring. jedediah you have to know what level they are committing if i go through with. you need to enjoy your drugs and prostitutes quietly. >> i was willing to put them over there if they were talking to me. >> i think they are not being quiet enough while enjoying their drugs. >> it makes some sense. >> it is hard. it is hard to keep quiet when you are excited over your drugs and prostitutes. children don't understand, but it is christmas for adults. christmas you don't sleep the

night before. are you thinking about your drugs and prostitutes. >> your problem is i always open the drugs the night before. >> you can't enjoy the prostitutes. >> lastly michael the netherlands is not a dictatorship. it is a parlimentary democracy. >> say again. >> i thought she was a dictator. >> good to know. maybe i will travel there now. >> i wouldn't. >> yes, it is like one big scum village. not going. >> thank you, andy. thought that would never end. still ahead, ice cream sundays for everyone, except bill. what is the funniest sitcom of all time? and i can't find my committees. i have looked everywhere.

it is no longer a cult favorite. yes "seinfield" has been named

funniest sitcom of all time according to a" 60 minute" van vanity fair poll. there are the honeymooners, friends, cheers and oddly morning joe. discuss. >> lightning roooouuuunnnnnddd. lightning round. >> that will never go away. andy, is "seinfield" deserving of the top spot? >> yes. it is the one program on tv that i will -- if i am flipping through and i will see seinfield and stop every time. >> i agree with you, but it is like -- so you have seen the episode 35 times, the same one, but you find out that everiy ter national truth in the world has been covered by "seinfield." every one. and sometimes it is not funny, but it happens to be true and you have to go, oh god we are going to die. that's how i feel. oh we are all going to die. i go to bed 1k3 it is like, i have a great idea -- it has

been done. is there a show you shot should have made the list. something with fuzzy animals and furred? >> until a big "friends girl" because i was in love with ross, the nerdy paleontologist. i was going there, yes. "seinfield" i did like, but jerry always looked like he was about to laugh at his own jokes. i don't know if anyone else saw that. i did not like that. if you would have gotten rid of him -- >> i liked the girl that was dating kramer for awhile. she had the amazingly crazy eyes. she was the best part of the show jie. that was newman. >> do you think laugh tracks are responsible for this. no i we sl this thing -- now we have this thing we are people look ad. something will happen where it is funny, but not funny and they go like this. that tells you oh that wasn't supposed to happen.

>> what is the question? >> there is no question. >> i am on the receiving end of your monologue. "seinfield" is a funny show. more than anything it is sin do location. it is on all the time. that has to be the best. it is on "7 times. hogan's heros are funny. >> my parents wouldn't let me watch that. >> why? >> my parents. joy they were nazis. >> how did you know that. >> you know, it is like seinfield can't be an islamic country, right, bill? >> no, definitely not. i don't know. >> my parents wouldn't let me watch "hogan's heros" because the lead guy was a sexual

deviant. >> yes. >> larry craig is also a sexual de swraw. i know everything. the bob crane show in the 70s he lived in a garage? that was when he was at his worst. was he still hogan? >> no he was bob crane. he was playing a cartoonist or a morning radio show host. then he was stabbed and killed in arizona. >> he was living in a scum village. >> those that want to learn more, don't. do not. google -- >> bob crane was way ahead of the internet. he was creating the internet in his basement. it is true. we have more stuff coming up.

choosing a person of racism is the worst thing. i am not at all. >> sounds like you are defending -- >> no it isn't. no, you -- what do you mean? what are you talking about? >> i don't know. this is an event with two people who believe that lives

are genetically superior. >> this is guilt by association. >> why are you so angry? >> you are a punk. you destroy people. you try and destroy people's lives through innuendo. joy that's the new documentary hating breitbart. they spent two years following andrew breitbart as he messed with the media and lived the hell out of his loif. and now how is the film doing so far? >> it is being received really well. we were in 10 markets earlier last month. we got out of the way of the holiday pictures because we are an independent documentary. we will be coming back in january. >> who released it with you? >> rocky mountain pictures which is the same distribution company that put out the obama film. >> where can people see it now? >> right now we pulled it out of the theaters to get out of the way of the holiday picture. if you go to our website we

have an awesome feature called demand it. you click on the zip code and click on the map. the map is covered with dots. >> like bill schulz's back. >> he will ask for cream, but it is fine. you called it "hating breitbart." it is about the people who hated him? >> not just for andrew britebart. >> ib anybody that has an important that -- it is a machine of hatred. that's not what we expected to capture, but it was the 800 pound elephant in the room. >> did any we are doughs show up in screening? >> yes, ryan clayton who sometimes appears on this very network.

the huffing ton post writer who helped launch the huffing ton post. he despised andrew breitbart. he is in the film because he chased him down the hallway accused of being a coke addict and sleeping with male prostitutes. >> i wish. >> calling for saville tee in our discourse. he went to the opening night in washington, d.c. and disrupted the screening and had to be removed from the 3 ter. -- theater.>> you always heard e slurs about andrew doing drugs. if you knew. this guy didn't have to do anything. he started crazy. there was no need for drug use. he had kids he didn't need child prostitutes or male prostitutes. that's what the left do. they try to demonize it. i watched parts and i get a little too emotional so i

just -- one day i will look at it. i can't look at it yet. what is your favorite moment of all time? >> oh my gosh there are so many. one was when the ib union guys, the harry reid guys, when they were throwing eggs at the tea party bus. and then the cop says, who through eggs at the bus. they wented to a n drew bright bart. it is hard to imagine the insanity all the time. >> i remember when the protesters invited him to appleby's. roller blading with a big thing of coffee. go to the hating breitbart and press a button and you will see the movie. let's go to andy levy. to see clips of recent shows go to fox news.com/red eye.

back to tv's andy levy for the post game wrap up. hi, andy. >> hi, greg, hi, jedediah. do you have a new column out this week? >> a new column on friday, jedediah bila.com. can't tell you what it will be about. haven't written it yet. >> new moynihan beach column? you can't tell us either. joy tomorrow if you president what to watch nbc live, i will be talking to the rabi. >> he is so pressi. >> making fun of the guests. andy upcoming gigs? >> stand up new york on saturday at the 9:00 and 11:00 shows. >> i will be having lunch with rabi around 3:00 tomorrow. he said i